You would think that by the age of 33, I would be beyond life’s crossroads; consistent assessments of where I am and where I want to be, but honestly, I’m not. The reality is, we’ll probably never come to a culmination of pondering until our death; the day we encounter our final mortal crossroad. However, I must say that there are some things at 33 that though outwardly different are still reminiscent of childhood reactions.
Why do I, at the age of 33, still get offended by some things? And why, at the age of 33, do I still find myself in tears of frustration, wanting to lash out or go in on a person or multiple people, yet maturity tells me, “no.” It’s kinda like a bad replay of R. Kelly’s “My mind’s telling me no, but my body…”
Brace yourself – My Reality
The truth is that I don’t trust many people. I haven’t for a while now. That’s why I tend to stay in my bubble with a small group of friends. People lie. They stab you in the back. And I’ve been hurt entirely too many times. I have zero – count it…zero – interest in opening up others and being hurt again. So if you don’t have my best interest in mind, do me a favor and miss me with the formalities, facades, and so on. While I love comradery (sp?), I’m just not a huge fan of being hurt. Maybe I just ask a lot, expect a lot, or pur myself into the wrong situations. Maybe I’ll ask for a bit of discernment on that.
And no I’m not perfect. I can be a bit of a brat, a bit stubborn, and so on, but at least I’m ride or die – loyal until it hurts. If I call you my friend or even let you into my bubble, then I treat you like my accordingly. I’m there for you. I go out of my way for you. I let you know I genuinely appreciate you – even your differences.
Is that too much to ask from others.
To my peeps, thank you for being real. To everyone else, if you see my wall, don’t be offended. Just know I’m tired.