Dear Neighbors *esp the new ones*

Dear Neighbors,

I understand that the weather is warming up. We’ve all had our share of cabin fever. A little fun in the sun is what we all crave. With this in mind, I’d like to share with you a few neighborhood rules before you rack every nerve I have this summer:

  1. Keep an eye on your kids. I do not – I repeat, do not – want to be greeted after getting home by your kids asking can they do something for money. I find this to be a child-rearing flaw and something you need to get your arms around quickly. And me finding your young one in my backyard unattended petting my dog makes me a littler leery, because 1) you don’t know where your child is, 2) though my dog is harmless and friendly, not all dogs are like mine, and 3) I don’t need any obscure legal situations arising.
  2. Beware of the dog. She may not be the man-eating type, but she is still a dog. If you come near my dog, there is a chance she will jump up on you. She’s hyper. However, I will reluctantly let you pet her because I’m pretty territorial and often simply annoyed with strangers who cross boundaries.
  3. Do not knock on my door. My front door being IS NOT an invitation for you to knock on my door in pursuit of your hustle. No, I don’t want you to rake my yard. I already have someone who will eagerly do this for me. Job taken. However, I will keep you in mind in the event I need the job done.
  4. Turn your music down. 50+ degrees is not an invitation to blast your tunes 50 decibels too loud. Not in the morning. Not midday. Not at night. Not never. (Okay…I may give you the occasional holiday.) This may be my number one rule. Your music is meant to stay in your vicinity; not mine.
  5. Do not park in front of my house. I understand the occasional visit may require others to park in front of my house, but if you feel that my curb is your permanent parking spot, I beg to differ. Good thing this isn’t happening right now, though, it is an annoyance.

I selectively chose my neighborhood because it is fairly quiet, well-kept, and family-friendly. And I love my neighborhood. While I may sound a little bourgeois, I’d like to know the place I call home feels like my home.

Signed,

Not too good to enjoy a good time but would also like to enjoy my home in peace.

P.S. Now the question is whether or not I should I take these little girls under my guidance. You know I’m a sucker for mentoring. And I think I may already see potential. My heart is melting.

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