Maybe it’s summer. Maybe it’s the conversation I had with my best friend yesterday. Maybe it’s the fact that the idea of not having any goals and really having to think about where my life is going scared the crap out of me. Maybe it’s all of the above. [Pause. I just killed a lizard-sized spider. Exaggeration intended.] Whatever it is, I may be on my way out of living in the new blah.
You know. The blah of the daily routine. Work. Home. Eat….Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
This is pretty much what my life had become. And the fact that I work from home a lot of days doesn’t make it any better. Leaving the house can be a success in its own right.
Needless to say, my life has become pretty gray.
The lovely colors of adventure, relationships – platonic and romantic, and that certain zeal about life had been replaced with perusing the internet, writing blog posts, and simply enjoying my own time and myself as a free spirit. All pretty good in theory…until I realized I allowed inner-ambition to escape, causing the potential for a life of mediocrity, simply because I couldn’t state where I wanted to go in my career.
Frankly, I can tell you where I want to go. If I stay in corporate America (which I really don’t necessarily know that I want to do, but I feel stuck) – or some other sector that may as well be corporate America because frankly no matter how you slice it, you’ll still be working with people and still have some corporate goal to achieve with most like someone else’s money to manage – I think I’d like to at least get to a VP status…maybe even CEO. (I don’t make small goals.)
Why? Because I’m bossy and I think I have pretty good ideas. Well, actually more because I think I have pretty good ideas than because I’m bossy. I’m already on the road of mastering, or at least knowing, so much within my field, and I’d like to have more of an impact than what I’m making. Wait…who am I kidding. I’d just like to get paid more and be respected for the knowledge I bring to the table.
The most important thing for me in a career is respect for me as a person and high respect for me as a contributing member of the team. After a while, I believe respect is no longer a pat on the back, but comes in the form of promotions. When you’re offered a leadership role, it says, “We respect what you bring to the table, we want to showcase that to others, and we want that to go farther than just within your desk and your current day to day job. We believe you can make a bigger impact.”
If I don’t stay in corporate America…I’m pretty confused. I think I want to bury myself in research and add to the wealth of marketing information that’s already out there. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a brain. So how about I make it work for me. The problem is…I have no idea if this type of job exists…or does it only exist at a professor level…or would I have to write a book. If I have to write a book while I have another job, that idea can die. I’m not interested.
Now let’s be real. I’m not 100% ready to give up this cushy, free-spirited life…and maybe I don’t have to. But I do know I’m going to have to dig in deeper and yell louder so that others can see my value beyond a pretty cool tech girl. (BTW…when I’m limited to a tech girl, it gets under my skin. I don’t have an MBA to simply be a tech girl. Just saying.)
Right now, I’m simply playing my role, developing my strategy and working on myself behind the scenes so that when I do come out, I’ll be able to clearly articulate my goals as well as why I should be next on the list of those to offer a promotion. But honestly, first, it has to start inside of me. I have to know what I want AND believe in it before I can start selling it to others.
Welcome to the war room.
BTW…next week this all may change because in real life, I don’t know 100% what I want to do…so now I just need to research what’s out there. Maybe that’s the best next step.