If you can’t tell by now, I’m in this mode of huge self-discovery. I thought I had this all figured out, but with 2 conversations, I’ve realized I’m back at the drawing board; not starting over. Just adding to the picture.
If I had to paint a picture of my life, I’d say I’ve colored inside of the lines pretty much my entire life. I achieved good grades, didn’t get into major trouble, and acquired a pretty satisfying job…and I took the normal path getting there with only limited detours.
So now the question exists…is it time to color outside of the lines? Is it time to do something not so traditional; not so prescribed? Or do I stay within the lines.
If I were to stay within the lines, I have no doubt I’d achieve the goals within societal norms. Corporate leadership. A massive house on a hill (maybe). And vacations to be envied.
But is that enough?
And if I do take the normal route, what would make it personally unique and fulfilling.
On one end, I find the ability to vacation and afford what I want very fulfilling. However, I find the road to get there a bit dull and boring. A bit prescribed. A bit…American.
On the other hand, I’m not sure what would be fulfilling about coloring outside of the lines. Sure, there will be a bit of thrill and, of course, adventure. But where would it really get it me?
And honestly I don’t know the answer. By the end of a post, I like to have clarity; a sense of where I want to be. I’m not sure that I can articulate that at this moment. And that leaves me a bit frustrated.
One thing I do see is the potential for merger. The potential to keep coloring outside of the lines. The potential to “do me” while I continue to discover me.
In fact, as I look back, I’ve never really been inside the lines. I’ve always been a bit different. Coloring inside the lines is different. As the rapper, Lecrae, noted, rebellion is the norm. The straight and narrow is peculiar – as originally indicated in the Bible.
Maybe it’s not about the end at all. Maybe the focus should be on the journey. Whether I become consumed in books and research or I allow my free spirit to be led by God, I know everything will work out okay. I’m putting entirely too much pressure on myself. I need to let go and let God. He will make a way. This is something I NEVER have to worry about. Never have. Don’t plan on starting now.
As my dad says, God has my back.