Sunday night thoughts

Today, I went on a date. And it was great. We played basketball and then we went for a ride on his moped…wind flying in my hair. To make a long story short, I really like this guy, but there is one HUGE flaw. No, he’s not an ex-con – been there – he has a decent job. Frankly, if it were Jerry McGuire, I’d say “You had me at 401K and good credit.” And he’s genuinely a good person.

But there’s a very moral dilemma I have. His religious beliefs don’t line up with mine…and that’s HUGE. I mean REALLY big. My friends know one of the first questions I ask about the guys they’re dating is “are they saved.” To put it kindly, I can’t say this guy is saved. I can’t even say he has a relationship with Jesus at all. But I like him and at this point, it’s not that easy to let him go. I mean, while in my religious mind, I think that I should, my heart is really with him. He is literally everything that I want with that one exception. Okay, maybe there is more than one exception, but this is the biggest. Outside of this, I really like him.

So now, I don’t know what to do. Should I go or should I stay?

At this point, I’ve decided to stay…at least for a bit longer. One thing I will trust is that through prayer, it’ll work itself out. Either he’ll come to know Christ or the relationship will fizzle out one way or another.

The good thing is that this is just the beginning, and we’re not yet a thing.

If not anything, I can say the day was good. I literally went from “do I really like him” to “oh my gosh, I really like him in one in-person encounter.”

I can’t say I recommend this course of action for anyone, but I know myself. I’m stubborn and I don’t quit that easily. I’m not very strong when it comes to guys. They are kinda my kryptonite…especially when I like them. So, though the saying is insanely funny to me, I’m gonna have to say, “Jesus take the wheel.”

That’s hard enough for me, but I do still come with a heart of submission, wanting to do the right thing, knowing that I need His help, guidance, and will.



  1. It sounds like this guy made a real impression on you. “He is literally everything that I want with that one exception. Okay, maybe there is more than one exception, but this is the biggest.” Was this a first date? My biggest question – is his lack of faith a deal breaker or are there differing levels of acceptability of a lack of faith, based on how he measures up in other areas?

    Why would you decide to “stay…at least for a bit longer”? What could happen, given more time, that would make the relationship viable for you? Is it even fair/feasible/realistic to think that someone would “come to know Christ” in the context of being motivated to be with you? At least in terms of my understanding of religious faith, which is admittedly not great, it’s a highly personal relationship with your creator – one that isn’t motivated or initiated by a desire to be acceptable to a person you’d like to be in a relationship with.

    I have a hard time with the concept of not being able to be accepting, tolerant and willing to explore having a relationship with someone who does not share your faith. There are so many variables that make up the “vibe” between two people, and being written off based on a difference of or lack of faith seems, well, incredibly limiting, and puts you at risk of missing being with someone who makes your heart sing, even though they may not know YOUR hymns.

    Thanks for allowing comments. I appreciate you putting your thoughts out here – good, bad or otherwise. It takes guts.

  2. So…his lack of faith was a deal breaker…but I was willing to see what happened. I actually didn’t say “no”, he did. This blog post created a full conversation and it was actually something different…something more superficial that created tension. (i.e. “what other things” was his question.)

    I totally appreciate our ability to have transparent conversations. As it relates to my faith, I don’t believe in having relationships with non-beleivers as instructed by the Bible. As you know, I’m very open. While I don’t agree with the teachings of other faiths, I believe I can interact with people of other faith. We just won’t agree.

    From personal experience, I have zero desire in forcing Christianity on people. I know what that’s and it did nothing in making me actually accept Christ. The story could be different for others though. (Personal experience) (

    As it relates to my conviction as a Christian, I believe that I have to do what’s right in God’s eyes. I chose Christ for myself, and with that choice, I committed to his teachings and lifestyle. This is not always popular, but I understand this was my choice. A choice I totally embrace and love. I understand there are a ton of misperceptions about Christianity. Don’t get me wrong. I had my own misperceptions and thoughts growing up with what I consider people who meant well, but didn’t speak my language.

    I guess I’m saying, there’s nothing as beautiful as Christianity. I didn’t get it until I chose it. Never do I desire to be a “mean Christian.” Jesus is my teacher. I learn from his lifestyle. Not every choice is popular, but it’s always rewarding in the end. And really, I totally appreciate knowing there’s someone who has my back when even those closest to me just don’t get it right. And honestly, that’s what they relationship is about. He gave his life. I give him mine. And I just happen to get some pretty awesome rewards along the way.

    Love ya sir.

    1. “So…his lack of faith was a deal breaker…but I was willing to see what happened.” I’m sorry Gina – I still don’t understand what you mean here. I guess I see two possible scenarios happening with his lack of faith – 1) he continues to have a lack of faith and you stop seeing him based on that. 2) he says he wants to “come to know Christ” , at which point, as I stated above, goes against what I believe to be one of the “right” reasons to want to be with someone. How seriously could you take his statement of wanting to know Christ when the motivation to do so is based largely on his early (romantic) feelings for wanting to be with you? Your statement of being “willing to see what happened” seems to imply a largely passive position on your part – where do take responsibility for the “deal breakers” that you yourself have set up?

      Also, I have to say, using the phrase “there is one HUGE flaw” implies that his lack of faith makes him less of a person than someone who is a believer. Your religion, his lack of religion, someone else’s belief in another religion, these do not “make” a person, but are only a part of the complex set of beliefs, behaviors and attitudes that make a person who they are.

      I’m glad that you are in such a good place with your faith. I just have a really hard time understanding writing someone off based solely on a lack of faith, and potentially losing a kind, gentle, and loving mate who makes you feel alive in every other way.

      I hope you’re doing well. Annnndd I’m out. ; )

  3. Oops – mistakenly posted as Anonymous above. My bad.

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