It seems that the only place I feel free to allow my pain to show is through my blog. I PROMISE…I’m not upset or a sad case all the time. It’s just that when I need to get something off my chest, I seem to come to my blog as an escape.
I’m generally a happy…moody :)…but happy person. I love to smile. I love to laugh and make others laugh. And I’m often the friend giving advice.
The flip side is that I’m often the silent sufferer.
I don’t tell very many about deep problems. I don’t tell everyone when my father is tripping or when I’m going through what my best friend coined “stupid girl syndrome” or even when I’m just having a horrible day. Instead I tend to suffer in silence, only allowing those closest to me know what’s going on. But that creates a horrible illusion.
It may seem life I have everything together, but I don’t.
Today, my aunt hit the nail on the head – I have to stop being so hard on myself. With such a “perfect” life, I’m bound to run into imperfections…and it’s those imperfections that I have such a hard time dealing with. Not necessarily the things I have no control over, but with the things I at least have some say. But she’s right…everyone struggles with something. I just want to be on top of everything. I want to be able to control my emotions and my reactions…but there are times I really just have to let it out. I can’t be cool and collected all the time…especially with the things that matter most. I have to face those things. I have to cry the tears. I have to confess it…and face it…honestly face it…both with myself and with others.
Regina..you’re not perfect. So strop trying to be.
Allow yourself to have emotions. Allow yourself to feel, even if it’s painful. And then allow yourself to heal. Stop burying this stuff. Face it and heal. You deserve it. You deserve to be more whole than you’re allowing.
Stop with the games. Stop with the facades. Be real with yourself and with others.
Life hurts. But it’s not impossible.
Life more abundantly.