Just Bad Advice

Why do people give advice? I mean…especially when you don’t ask for it. Or you don’t ask them for it. I didn’t ask you for a reason and now I have to disregard the information you just chose to spew all up in my area of influence.

#1) Don’t do that again.

#2) Get yo life boo.

#3) Don’t do that again.

Now that I’ve said that…here’s some bad advice I’ve gotten (or over heard) over the years.

  1. Girl you’re okay. When I was gaining weight. Maybe a size 4 was too small. But getting close to a size 16 was flattering either.
  2. It’s alright. You’ll bounce back next week. When I started to slide off of the Weight Watchers plan. (That may have been okay advice when I bounced back, but what about when I don’t bounce back? I’m not sure I’ve actually ever bounced all the way back. It’s hard eating carrots. Now I want some baby carrots. *eyes roll*)
  3. You shouldn’t wear pajamas to the store. Ughhh…Get yo life. The last time I checked, Meijer (the local grocery store) wasn’t deemed the house of fashion and bacon didn’t come with a side of Victoria’s Secret angel wings. I’m going to ask you to care about something more important than flannel-lined bottoms. If they’re not dirty, their fine. I’m sure there are bigger things in the world to care about. The ASPCA obviously thinks so. (Anyone else chuckle when they hear “In the eyes of an angel”…and I have a dog. I HATE that commercial. Ahhh…I digressed.)
  4. You should do it like this. Or charge that. If their money isn’t coming directly into your pocket, affecting your business or your ability to pay your bills, you may want to hold your tongue before giving advice. 1) Did they ask for the advice. 2) Is the right time for the advice. 3) Are you helping the situation. 4) DO THEY WANT YOUR ADVICE? Maybe they like being taken advantage of…or maybe their building their clientele. We don’t know all the ins and outs of how they handle their business – and questions can go a long way. And the biggest problem…they didn’t ask for the advice.
  5. You should get a Ph.D. Please. Go kill yourself. When I want to pursue another degree, I’ll think about it…but because I would be the first doctor in the family isn’t a compelling enough reason to endure the amount of stress and anxiety that goes along with pursuing such a meaningless degree in my field…unless I wanted to teach or contribute something new to my field. (BTW…I do want to contribute something new to my field.)
  6. Don’t be emotional. Forget you. I’m emotional by nature. To tell me not to be emotional is to tell me to kill part of myself.
  7. Watch who you eat lunch with? Once again…kill yourself. Are you really that political or think that I’m that stupid that I can’t figure out who eating with will cause political suicide. 1) Let my work speak for myself. 2) I’ve done a fine job of choosing my friends since I was a child. I don’t need help now. 3) If I have a concern, I’ll ask. 4) It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out you have to be careful around certain people. Gosh!
  8. You shouldn’t act so stuck up? Well maybe they should clean their restaurant. I’m not all that self-absorbed, but I abhor dirty restaurants. I have to eat the food and you can’t as little as sweep your floor. And is that salmonella poisoning from your dried, cracked up cheese? I’ll tell the ER I got food poisoning because I decided to not be stuck up.
  9. You shouldn’t be so direct. You shouldn’t be so sensitive. Put on your big girl panties and suck it up. This world is full of “politically correct” who are forever rubbing others backs to make them feel good. I’m pretty sure I have a fine balance of funny and truth. Get over it. I had to. And when my feelings get hurt, I cry and then deal with it…why? Refer to #6. Which is also probably the reason I’m so direct. I can’t deal with holding all these emotions in to make you feel better. It only makes me feel bad. I’m over feeling bad to make someone else feel good. I’m going red for heart health and taking care of my blood pressure by letting you know what’s on my mind. And if I don’t like you…I just don’t like you. 9 times out of 10 it’s you not me…I promise. I get along with A LOT of people…so…I’m not the common denominator.

I’m sure I’ve gotten a crap load of other bad advice. But I can’t remember right now. But in the words of my girl Maya from YouTube…Do You Boo.

*and scene*

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