Am I Going To Let My Fears Dictate My Future?

I want to move, but I don’t want to leave my family.

I feel like I’m living a mediocre life, but I don’t know what else to do.

I want to dream, but I’m kinda scared of dreaming. Every time I do that, I fail.

Ironically, this has seemed to be the story of this overachiever’s life as of late.

Afraid…always freaking afraid.

Afraid to take steps ahead. Not exactly sure where I want to go. (Well, I have an idea now, but that’s only of very recently.)

I’ve always had dreams of being larger than life, or at least larger than what I can currently see. I still have that dream. It hasn’t really gone anywhere. I want my name in the limelight. I want to be the best at something. I just want…something; something greater than what I have right now and something greater than anyone around me has ever done.

Well, that’s kinda hard since my cousin is the great Floyd Mayweather, Jr., but though our families are close, I’m not that close to that side of my family beyond my first cousins, aunts and uncles. So, in my world, his fame doesn’t dictate my decisions. But, as usual, I digressed.

Let’s get back on track. Journey with me as I try to unfold this state of – well lack of – progression. Frankly, most of the journey has been documented here.

1) Work disappointment. Two years ago, I was very abruptly laid off from my job during the middle of great forward movement.

2) I was in the middle of an emotionally abusive relationship at the same time.

3) I feel like I failed miserably at RRP Marketing. Between not feeling like I was “doing it right,” stressing over clients, and fighting for money from clients made me call it quits. I was no longer feeling it. Lots of compliments. Not a lot of income. I felt like a bafoon in front of my friends and a fake to those I was working with to be honest.

4) I felt very discouraged at my current employer to the point where I asked my boss to go part-time. I was just not fulfilled and felt I had so much more to offer to the world. (I don’t do well when I don’t feel like I’m being challenged…and the paycheck was good.)

5) In the relationship realm, the struggle is real. The stuff I go through with guys has been ridiculous. I’ve had one person disappear and another call me the week after a breakup for sex. If you know me, you’ll know…I can have my moments, but to think you’re going to use me…I’m not about that life. I am too good for that. (Ladies and gents, there are times when it’s okay to remind yourself you are too good for some things.) And for the one who just disappeared, now that just caught me off guard. Talk about being embarrassed.

So the desire to keep pressing has been a bit disconcerting. Frankly, after some of the things I went through, I just needed a break. And the break was good.

But now I think it’s time to get back on the bike and start riding. Start dreaming and pressing toward those goals. That’s what makes my world goes ’round. It’s what makes me excited. Being an overachiever is what makes me tick.

Being laid back was cool for a while, but it’s time for Gina P. to come back and take this world by storm. (That’s the sassy, don’t give two craps in the most positive way you can think, hilariously fun-loving, Gina). And I’m gonna do it.

I’m about to have fun on this journey again.

Watch out friends. Goal-setting, anyone?

Stay true,

Mission: Bring hope to the hopeless.
Vision: Eliminate “I can’t”


  1. I know it is hard, but it is so great to see you talking here about your weaknesses and “failures” (I put failures in quotes because I think even though things didn’t go the way you wanted them to, there are lessons that you learned from it that you can take with you). Re: goal setting – I recommend you start big (maybe 5 years out?) and then baby step it down to yearlong goals, monthly goals, weekly goals. Break everything out into tasks that you can complete. It helps to do it on paper that you can scribble on (that was hard for my digital self to understand, but it did make a difference!).

    Also, as a fellow overachiever, I have to say how much I relate to the “disappointment” that comes from real life. You mean I’m not going to get that job, and it’s going to go to a person with less education than me, because they have more initiative and ideas? Yes, reality sucks. But truly…it does come back to goals. Is it really *my* goal to be a CEO? No. When I look back on my life, I want to say I created things that are meaningful, not that I led a group of 27 people.

    I do think the struggle of the overachieving self is one of the reasons why we all get along so well!!!

    Also, random – Did you really go part time? And, I had no idea Floyd Mayweather was your cousin.

    And please, I’ll support you if it truly is your goal…but I beg….DON’T MOVE! I WOULD MISS YOU!

    1. Friend, you crack me up. Yes, Floyd Mayweather is my cousin. My grandma and his grandfather were brother and sister. (They have both passed on now). And no, I didn’t go part-time. That discussion happened literally 2 days before my internal move that happened to be a wonderful decision. I didn’t know God was working things out already.

      Thanks for the notes about goal planning. I saw you’ve been working on some of yours. Inspiring, my dear. And as it relates to moving…hmmm..3 weeks ago my mind was made up. Now, it’s only in the back of my mind. We’ll see how things go, but I’m thinking it’s probably not going to happen any time soon.

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