There are 2 types of people in the blogging world; those who have a blogging schedule and know what they’re gonna write about…then there are people more like me. You know the ones who kinda just pick up their blog and post just because…
I wanted to be one of those people with the schedule and pretty blogging journals, but let’s face it; I have ENTIRELY too much crap going on in my life to create concerted blogging time. And beyond that, I’m balancing my “free” time with other things like spending time with my bae, crocheting now that the season is here, and just breathing for goodness sakes.
And this brings me to one of the biggest myths out there: Single people have a ton of free time. Whoever concocted that Jimmeny Cricket of a lie should be banished to hell without hope for water.
While we may not have hubby and kids to care for, there are A TON of other things calling for our attention.
- Emergency [fill-in-the-blank]. Whether it’s an emergency babysitter, emergency contact, or emergency shoulder to cry on, the single person is that person. Why? Because friends call you because they know that they’re likely not interrupting family dinner time, likely you can relate, and you’ll be there to listen. You don’t have to give the best advice. You just have to be the best listening ear. You have to be able to chime the “I get it[s]” and so on. And while I think it’s a blessing to be called on, I also know there’s a time when I have to turn off. So, no. I don’t answer phone calls or texts. Not because I don’t love you, but because I need to be able recharge so that I can give you a better me than the person you’d talk to if you were to talk to me at the time when you called.
- We have our own set of stuff to deal with. Contrary to popular belief, simply because we’re not dealing with fussy kids, soccer practice and the managing the clash of personalities that come with relationship building, we do have our own set of problems. From wondering whether or not we’ll have kids or get married to attempting to determine our next career moves, we have big things on our minds, and we don’t have little Johnny’s bright smile to take our minds off of it. Instead, we’re greeted by balancing cleaning our homes, wiping up dog poop, going grocery shopping, and the list goes on. And if I want something quick from the store, I can’t send hubby to get it. I can’t ask baby girl to bring me the remote control. And the clothes don’t fold themselves.
- We have big decisions to make. When the biological clock gets to tickin’, we gets to thinking. And that thinking is about alternatives to child-bearing and rearing. From freezing eggs to artificial insemination to adoption to fostering, we feel the pressure to determine how we will be mother or father because we’re beginning to lose hope in the traditional way. And to be quite honest, the traditional way (for myself at least) is a little less appealing. “You mean you want me to play outside with a 7 year-old child when I’m forty.” That sounded much more appealing at 22. The energy of a 5 year old was tiring 5 years ago. So, please help me understand how I’m supposed to play tag with little Johnny 5 years from now. iPads don’t sound so bad after all. (smile you freaking purist Nazis)
- Work is a back up for loneliness. Sure, I’ll work 2 more hours so I don’t have to face how lonely my life really is. How many single people have said this? And that’s sad. Really sad. But I’m one of them. I’d take on the extra hours so that I wouldn’t have to face my reality of how lonely it really is at home. Sure. We say we do it now because we can, but reality is, it’s a great way to fill a hole. Point. Blank. Period. So while you’re rushing to get to Susie’s soccer practice (regardless of how stressful that balance may be), we’re also balancing something. And when we don’t get the promotion or the raise yet we put in the time and the energy…well, that’s another issue.
- We have our own relationships to manage. Soooooo…you’re married. We’re just trying to get there. So let’s talk about what that really means. For some it means separating the good from the bad. Then once you have someone you’re compatible with that makes you smile and feel all good inside, you start working on making it continue to work. The necessity for the “c” word – communication -comes out as things get real. Balancing both of your schedules, emotions, and personalities is a thing. And Lord knows that if he’s a good one, the pressure to keep it going gets real. It’s no longer a fling nor someone you’ll let go in a New York minute. No. This is worth the fight. And last time I checked, the word fight didn’t come with fuzzy connotations all around it. And by the way, if you already have a pretty tight schedule, the addition of this amazing man or woman is just enough to set your balance arry if you don’t keep things under check.
- And speaking of busy schedules, yes we do have one. Maybe you’re in the running for mom of the year or best dad ever, but don’t forget the people who’ve helped you get there. I said it earlier, but I’m gonna go back to it. We’re your babysitter, the last-minute ride giver, “auntie” of the year, though we don’t share an ounce of blood. On top of that, we’re church member of the year, ministry leader of the year, head politician in charge or whatever else SOMEONE ELSE wanted to add to our agenda.
- Our escape is limited. I’m not sure I’d love to come home to little Susie’s mess, but I’m sure the joy she brings is worth it. And heck, maybe she’ll grow out of it one day. But as long as we’re single, we will continue to live in our brains. We’ll be bothered by media a little too much. We’ll be enticed to overshare on FB because that’s where the majority of our interpersonal communication happens, and our homes will be a little less joyful because, heck, there’s nothing like you and four walls to remind you of just how quiet your home really is. You get pissed because your space is cluttered. The amount of “stuff” you have begins to bother you. And darnett, nothing is okay until you take care of it! (And yes, when you see me cleaning like a nesting pregnant woman on the verge of labor, just know it’s a by-product of a bigger issue.)
I’m sure there are a thousand other things single people can add to this list. And yes, I’m sure there are several married with kids who’ll say “we have the same issues.” But this isn’t about you. We hear your puke, breastfeeding, whiny kid stories every day. Let us have our moment. #SingleLivesMatter
Disclaimer: Yes…I’m still in an awesome relationship. I love that guy.