No Longer Apologizing

Over the past 6 years, I’ve heard (or had it implied) that I was not okay how I was.

Wait. I’ll take that back, I’ve heard that for A LOT of my life.

You’re not poised enough.

You’re wild.

You’re crass.

You’re not pretty enough.

You’re not good enough.

And the list goes on.

And despite my SEVERAL accomplishments, I believed – and internalized – EVERY SINGLE ONE of the comments above.

I ruminated over them. I agonized over them. I’ve been anxious about them. Heck, I’ve even cried over them. So it’s to no surprise the amount of self-esteem battles I’ve had to fight.

Simply worrying about what others would think and trying to change with the mask of bettering myself became my reality. I’d try to be prettier. Wish I was more poised. Be better.

And to this day, I agonize over the fact that I feel SO misunderstood.

But let me tell you. I WILL NOT and DO NOT accept someone else’s reflection of who Regina is because your reflection is the exact antithesis of who Regina really is.

I wasn’t created to make others feel good.

I wasn’t created to be the Queen of England.

I wasn’t created to be the soft spoken pushover that some want me to be.

No. I was created to be a BOLD child of the King able to stand against ANY form of principality that comes against me.

The Word Says:

I am more than a conqueror.

For me to cast down vain imaginations.

The battle is not mine.

And when I have done all that I can do, just stand.

See there are people in this world who want to take your joy. And the Bible says the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.

But today, I say, I recognize the enemy. And He CANNOT have my joy. He CANNOT have my peace. He CANNOT rule over me.

I am the heir of a King.

I am part of a royal priesthood.

Maybe that’s the reason “God Made Me” is one of my favorite songs. Though the children’s choir sang as I directed, it ministered to me…

“God made me, He made me who I am…

I’m a conqueror

I’m victorious,

I’m a winner

I’m a winner.”

God made me into ALL these things and more.

So to the naysayers…if you’re not reinforcing who God says that I am, why are you talking at all. Remember, the power of life and death is in the tongue. (And I’ll go on a limb and say it’s in the written word as well. Not scriptural, but I know words – in whatever form – make a difference.) So if you’re not speaking life, why are you speaking at all? Or maybe I should say, then WHAT are you speaking?

Maybe I’m not the person you’d hope I would be. Or the person you expected me to be. But you know who I am, the person God created me to be. And I actually like who I am. And that is why I’m no longer apologizing.

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