Don’t go rolling your eyes at me talking about “you can say that now, you’re in a relationship.” I’ll say, “touché,” and then ask that you stick with me for just a bit.
I’m 35, not married and no kids. Personally, that means that I’ve had my fair share of time being single. In fact, I’ve been in this relationship for only 8 months. The one before that…3 months. And almost a year gap before the one before that. So, I think it’s fair to say that I know a thing or two about being single.
I know the struggles. I know the things that annoy single women. And I know that tomorrow will be a tough day for many of you.
As Feb 14 rolls around for another year, you’re gonna hear all the things that make their boo amazing, see pictures of flowers, balloons, chocolates, and gifts, and maybe even become a little jealous of held hands, gushy embraces, and proposals and such.
Conversely, you’ll be enamored with messages of those commiserating with you. You’ll see messages calling out “Singles’ Awareness Day” and maybe even posts about why he ain’t crap.
Ultimately, you’ll be tempted to sulk in self-pity once again, thinking that you’re not pretty enough, not good enough, too aggressive or some other reason that media tells you that you’re single.
I’m here to be your conscience. To tell you to stop right there, and really remember why you’re single.
I ended my relationship with a guy last year on the day before Valentine’s Day. Yes, I could’ve held off a day or two just so I wouldn’t be single on the day of love, but that’s not my style. I was over his inconsiderate actions. And because I was tired of it, I went into Valentine’s Day alone. And you know what I did? I hung out with my brother.
My family laughed because I’d told them he had 2 weeks to get it together. He made it not even a full 1 week. Which takes me to the entire point of this…
I was single by choice. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want to settle for. His inconsiderate actions was one of those things that I didn’t want to settle for.
Chances are that you are single by choice also. Yes, you’d love to have someone to spend time with. Someone to spend romantic moments with, laugh with, and even shed some tears with. Someone who will rub your back when it hurts or call you beautiful every day. Someone who will affirm you, who will partner with you. Someone who will see you worthy enough of compromise and personal and mutual growth. But you just haven’t met that person yet. (Because they all ain’t that person.) And because you haven’t met the person who’s deserving of all you have to offer and accepting of your shortcomings that come with, you’re single. And that’s okay.
In a nutshell, you’re single because you love yourself enough to be single. Not to sacrifice. Not to compromise. We all know where we can give and where we can take, we know our deal breakers.
Singlehood, dating, and marriage are all times of growth. Singlehood is tough. Relationships are tough too. And marriage, well, it’s probably the toughest of all. But possibly (maybe) the most rewarding. (I haven’t been there so I can’t speak for that.)
Take a page out of my book. Be single and love on yourself. Play dress up. Get your makeup skills down pact. Spend money on ridiculous things without having to justify it to anyone but yourself. And just love on you. Fall in love with yourself so that when he comes, you’ll be that much more ready for him.
Enjoy Valentine’s Day with a friend, family member or loved one. Even though I’m in a relationship, that’s what I’ll be doing cause boo had other things to do. (See how that works. I can accept it because I know how to love on me even when he has other things to do.) And in the end, remember, it’s only a day.