“I just don’t get along with females.”

The first time I heard this statement was when I was in high school…and it’s continued into adulthood. It’s a statement that baffled me for years. I thought, “why would someone have a hard time getting along with other young ladies?” Then it hit me…boys; “boys” was the only rational explanation I could come up with.

The idea of not being able to get along with females was one I didn’t get because I didn’t live, eat and breathe boys as a teenager or even college student. With (what I know now as lifelong) friendships, sports, dance, work and studies – and a pretty healthy fear of my mother – consuming my time, my brain didn’t work like other young girls. Did I like boys? Of course. Did I have boyfriends? Yes. But I just didn’t obsess over them. They were just part of the everyday routine.

But after teaching youth Bible Study to a class of high schoolers, I realized just how atypical I was…or maybe they were the atypical ones. Nah, it was me.

Our discussions often surrounded supposed haters and boys. I was constantly inundated with who was beefing with who and who was dating who and so on. And the girls…I had to keep my eyes on the girls.

They were lovely young ladies, but if an ounce of testosterone entered the building (no matter how good looking or not so much they were), these ladies about lost their minds. And it was while I had that class that I understood why women didn’t get along.

And get this, I wasn’t exempt.

As I grew older and transitioned into independence, I too felt the pains of female-to-female tension. When I no longer saw dating as a game,  but as a means to an end (i.e. dating for marriage), I allowed low self-esteem, pride, jealousy and even some controlling behavior set up shop. I looked at women as my competition. And I, ultimately, became catty, untrusting and bitter.

But that’s not who God has intended us to be.

Unhealthy competition is the antithesis to love and compassion. How can you show mercy if you’re busy trying to identify the fault? You can’t.

Instead, you find yourself in the position of adversary and foe. You waste energy envying what “they” have. You spend time tearing down the powerhouse that you were promised. You get in your own way, point blank period. And you block your own blessing.

Today, I’d like you to be affirmed in yourself. Your uniqueness. Your strength. Your personal blessings. Know that when you are affirmed as one, you can become affirmed as many.

Moreover, be affirmed in your sisterhood. Know that she is not the enemy. She is your sister…one who brings a unique set of strengths to the table. And while feeble apart, together you can change the world.

#BeAffirmed

Assignment:

  1. Share this article and include #beaffirmed
  2. Over the course of the week, reach out to a woman…young or old and let them know how they have made (or are currently making) a difference in your.

See you next Wednesday.

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2 thoughts on “Affirmation: Getting Past the B Word

  1. We need to tell those girls from the time they are young that their value comes from inside themselves, not from a guy. If young women see, hear or experience men being rewarded as being more valuable, (in wages, in conversations, in the media, you know what that list looks like) it’s no wonder they think that attention from those same dudes is what it means to be successful.

    This thinking gives guys the power to “rank” women. Talking down others is an easy way to increase their own relative value in our supremely screwed up system.

    • This is so true. I know at one time I based my value on the type of guy I was dating. He had to be cute so that I would feel cute. Such a messed up mentality but it’s what we see daily. The good thing is that we can now pass on the lessons we’ve learned to those coming up behind us and maybe even those older than us. Time to change the paradigm!

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