“What are you harboring in your heart that you have yet to forgive them for?”
I was watching The Shack the other day; that’s when I heard these words. “Who have you not forgiven?”
These words stuck, possibly even stung… Yeah they stung. They hurt. So much so that I can still feel the piercing at this moment.
“Who have you not forgiven?”
The thing is…I pride myself in the ability to forgive and move on. If you were to ask me about grudges, I’d tell you that I don’t hold grudges. But maybe there’s difference between holding a grudge and offering forgiveness. Maybe not.
When I heard the question, “Who have you not forgiven?,” I searched my heart. Lo and behold, there was a person who I had not forgiven. This is a person of the past. A person who I severed ties with physically but failed to sever ties with emotionally. Not because I still loved or was in love with that person. Instead, it was because there were damaging pieces of the relationship that still follow me today.
Pieces that cause me to question my motives. Pieces that trigger the thoughts of clothing choices. Pieces that make me question my interactions with men.
The words and emotional responses from this man literally made me question who I was. Made me question my loyalty. Made me feel so bad about myself and my choices to the point that I said I’d never allow myself to get into another relationship like that.
This weekend, I decided to forgive him. I decided to no longer allow these things to harbor in my heart, and per the example in The Shack, I’m making it a point to forgive him over and over again. Not because I’m not a strong and confident woman, but because it’s the right thing to do. And not just because God said so, but because I’m understanding the power of forgiveness.
While writing this post, I feel a lightness — an airiness — a feeling of overwhelming and unmistakable peace that (from experience I know it) only comes from God. It’s a feeling that says that I have now let go. I am now able to move on. That I am now experiencing my healing.
Over the past 7 months, I have experienced a brokenness like no other. Moreover, I’ve lived in a state of perpetual anger over the last two years.
This weekend has been a moment of “no more.” All because I’ve decided to let go and forgive.
Today, I leave you with the same question. What are you harboring in your heart that you have yet to forgive? What is stealing your joy or taking up a space where so many other life-giving sentiments could dwell? I encourage you to search your heart. All you have to do is be willing to forgive. God will help you do the rest.
If you haven’t seen The Shack, take a moment to check it out. It could be life-changing.
Love you. Until next time,
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